No beef jerky or caramel

I’m holding back from taking an ibuprofen until I cannot stand the pain. While i’m no herbalist (Like these people), I don’t want to grow to depend on something that destroys my liver when I also depend mostly on wine for solace and strength.

I didn’t foresee myself making this a public announcement but It’s also not private because as soon as I open my mouth the world shall know that I have braces. After a long hiatus from the orthodontist I reached a point where it would not be wise to wait any longer, and (thank god) my vanity from college has mostly disappeared.

When I first told people about my decision to get wired up, I often got the comment that my “teeth are fine”. Two things are happening there….

A. They are being nice

B. They just don’t know the complexity of my mouth.

It’s really a combination of both. My teeth are mostly fine because they are not super crooked to the untrained eye; and yet look a little closer and there are paragraphs worth of problems. Pages. Dentistry students will study me. They probably do?!

Had to go clear. I am an old person.

Had to go clear. I am an old person.

The real issue has to do with my jaw, and in order to fix that up properly my teeth have to be in the proper position as well. So in a year give or take- probably give with my luck– I will be able to do things like breathe with my mouth closed and take normal bites of things and have two good sides for photos.

I thought that I would be a lot more depressed about wearing braces, but as a person who might as well be 45 years old, nothing will change considerably. For example: I am unable to answer the question “what is your favorite bar/ go to hot spot?” without lying or naming a place that I have been to twice. My social life is (mostly) not ruined. I would have been watching “Four Weddings” in my PJ’s anyways!

While I pondered over the decision in the days leading up to metal mouth 2015/16, I bought a cheesy self help type book about different important life things. Turns out my favorite chapter is on spirituality which is strange for me. It focuses on the aspect of being a good person to yourself and to others every day, and that it’s really not that hard to do. Hold the door. Compliment someone. Say please and thank you and mean it.  Be grateful. All of those things that most people know about, but often forget to do.
girls guide

It helped me remember that as long as I am confident and happy with my decision, the people around me will likely be accepting of it. So far so good.

I’m still not sure how the whole teaching high school thing is going to go, but fingers crossed I’ll at least relate better to my other students with braces and we can help each other out after lunch when we have crumbs stuck in our teeth. Lord help us with our 5 minute flossing process.

So while picking spinach out of my teeth and getting carded at Trader Joe’s, most of my other friends will be getting engaged, married, having babies and going out and meeting other people that look like adults and don’t ponder weather red wine will stain their brace face.

I am of course so happy for them. I was a late bloomer anyways, so I’ll just be doing my thing and catch up in a year or two.

bachelorette 2 bachelorette

With the lovely bride to be!

In the meantime I need to start planning for the upcoming school year beyond how I will brace (he he) the topic of adult orthodontia. My hope is to follow the philosophy of my new found favorite poem related to teaching.


I’m thinking that I should get it framed and put it by my desk for those days when I just want my students to know everything that I’m talking about and they are in the clouds thinking about flaming hots.

So far I’ve had no desire to eat caramel as long as I have salted caramel gelato. Whoever said that not being able to chew would help you drop a few pounds does not know how many calories are in soft foods.


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