Month: July 2016

Gifted and special

Day 11 post op! Made it through the wire! Cue the Kanye Through the wire

Even though the main event of today was me watching Inside Out, crying and then feeling sore, it was a great day. I’m on the advanced track to recovery.

I had an appointment with my orthodontist because he wanted to make sure I didn’t jostle anything too much with my puke last week. He called my face “pudgy” but said I was healing very nicely- and some people are much puffier. Gifted.

He also leaned me back in the chair, a snip here and a snip there, and then my jaw flew open. Not really but it felt like it was going to fall back into my neck and then stay there forever. Then he smushed my face, which is mainly numb so whatever, and showed me how to put my rubber bands in to keep the ole jaw in place until further notice. The green light on soft foods was all I cared about.

Just the other day I cried because my soup was too thick. Here everyone was thinking of me living the dream and having milk shakes, but no! It’s not a milkshake if it’s just sweet watery milk.

“Boost for breakfast, Ensure for dessert” -Kanye. It’s so weird that I can totally relate to him now.

Anyways, it’s my big chance to actually slurp things back  (aka delicately press inside) like mashed potatoes and yogurt. I had to do a little magic bullet action to my mac and cheese as well because my Annie’s bee hive shapes weren’t gliding in so easily. Thick creamy yogurt with a baby spoon was a huge step. A moon landing. And I watched myself in the mirror the whole time, freaking out and surely grossing out anyone watching. (Just my parents).

It was my big chance to talk as well. Rubber bands = silence. No bands = chat and move around lips and mouth in weird formations so that they wake up. It is not as fun as it sounds-yet.  Here is a little visual journey of some of my progress. The first picture where I clearly look bruised and beaten was day 5…my first “normal” feeling day. The final pictures are from today (blue dress).

Tuesday will mark another very exciting event for me- Dr. Reid potentially (ideally) pulling a nose sized booger out of my left nostril so that I can breathe on both sides. The splint will also come out so that talking will involve less lisping. Even though I’m clearly gifted and advanced and doing well thanks to all of my healthy eating choices (avocado, banana, honey, milk), it’s still recommended that I take the first week of school off since my job requires quite a bit of talking and energy. Teachers- lazy bums!



My youth

Today at “lunch” I mumbled to my parents about how I wished that I could chew- ANYTHING- even a brussel sprout. My mom said that I’ll have a deeper appreciation for chewing and food when this is all over. I’m sure that she is correct as I’ve had a deep appreciation for food since around age 22? Whenever I lived in Spain.

messy foodNobody will get in my way once the “wires” are off. No cupcake is safe, and no sandwich too juicy. I’ve spent days, almost weeks, drooling on myself unknowingly. It will all feel the same.

As I become less clouded by medicine each day,more of the pros and cons to this whole experience come to light.


  1. Starting the day with green juice- “celebrities are just like us”


  1. Not being able to have eggs, toast, oatmeal or literally anything that is actual food to go with the juice.



  1. Feeling creative with the blender


  1. I love food because I like when different tastes and textures come together as one naturally with the help of your brain and your fork… and not blended.



  1. Letting my eyebrows grow out because it seems like a good time to not give a shit, and I’ve been having brow regret and envy for 3 years.


  1. Not experiencing the benefits of giving my face washing routine a rest. I still have/ get/ will always have blackheads weather I scrub them away or not. Till death do us part I guess.



  1. Not feeling guilty about getting out to enjoy the sunshine


  1. Not getting out to enjoy the sunshine.


You get the gist….

So I was thinking these thoughts and more as I ate my lunch of lukewarm watery soup, which was actually the bomb in a way and I will tell you the recipe towards the end. One of the joys of not being able to feel most of my face is that the easiest most efficient way to “eat” is by looking in a mirror as I syringe whatever it is into the little lopsided corner of my mouth. So there I was thinking and looking at myself in the adult bib that I purchased on amazon so that I could dine “fancily” and I realized I bring shame to my age group.

This weekend is Lollapalooza and I will be keeping very much inside. But here I am, 28 years young slurping soup, wearing a bib, and making my mom smash up some zyrtec into my ginger beer strategically poured into a wine glass so that it looked like I was having fun…and it’s gorgeous outside! And I don’t have work to do! I could literally do whatever I wanted within a reasonable budget of $25. It’s a small drop in the big pond of life- one hopes- but yikes.

This will be one of those moments that I go back to when someone says, “hey wanna go out?” and inside I immediately say “ew, not really.” I’ll be like, remember soup bib zyrtec day?! Is that your life? It is? Okay!?

In all honesty I foresee myself becoming a way different person in that regard because I’ve just always had low self esteem related to my teeth and smile. When this is all done I hope that I only ever don’t go out because I genuinely don’t want to and not because I have anxiety.

In the meantime here is my latest favorite comforting recipe in case this pops up on anyone’s google search of “I’m on a liquid diet but still want to eat things that aren’t milkshakes and ensure” 

First go to Trader Joe’s and buy the already made soups. I’ve had two varieties that I’m fond of.

Sweet potato bisque and butternut squash. Yum! What’s great is because they are totally made and smooth you can jazz up the surroundings as you wish. Or if you feel superior, you can buy yourself a sweet potato and  bisque it.

Night one I just added some cream ( trying to get the calories rolling)

Then I got creative and threw in an avocado AND olive oil.Blend it all up and Yum! A splash of lemon is nice also. The final step was all of those things plus some tofu. It made the soup really thick so I did have to water it down a bit so that it fit in my syringe but it was nice to taste some variety and complexity in one little squirt. 


WARNING; This story is about a booger, but it’s kinda funny…

And in conclusion, if you think it sounds like I’m doing great and having way too much fun blending up soups- fear not! Today I coughed and what appeared to be the biggest snot bubble I have ever seen EVER came out of my nostril. So I went to wipe it, and it felt like the actual biggest booger on the planet. I was like OMG maybe I’ll be able to not breath like Darth Vadar anymore! So I went to wipe and then to my little surprise it was a clump of gauze. SICK. VOMIT. OMG. I believe this is why they enforce a no nose blowing rule…which I followed- but I did sneeze like 7 times . Sorry doc.
The good news is that I can breathe out of one nostril. The bad news is I have no idea what may come out of my nose from now on.

I have really felt a lot of love these past few days and it means more than I can describe to get a quick text or email that just says “Hey, hope you’re okay- thinking of you!”

By the way, If you’re not sure what to say to a friend that’s “healing” that’s pretty much it. Generic is great. To use another cliche, it’s the thought that counts. This picture represents one of the two expressions I can make- in this one I am smiling as much as I physically can. Cheers to day 8.







Just like a clarisonic

This is not going to turn into a jaw surgery blog, but it’s long left the station of gallivanting about Europe, so obviously you know why you’re here. For the jokes!

I’m on the mend after having double jaw surgery. I noticed that in some more detailed blogs on the subject they knew the actual name of their surgery that doctors say and it’s like….ytho

If you’re coming here for actual medical advice- turn back! Ask your doctor. If I learned one major thing from stalking people’s jaw surgery blogs it’s that everyone heals VERY differently and I think it all boils down to exactly what was done during your surgery and by who. Or whom…

With a full 6 days (let’s call it a week?) under my belt I can share some of what happened to me- what worked for me- and what just does NOT.

The day of surgery I was pretty calm. It was a really early morning so I only had approximately 10 minutes available to freak out. Not even though because all the nurses were so nice. They loved my name, my shoes, the book I was reading; these people straight up like their job.

Waking up in a fog an unknown amount of hours later was odd and I honestly can’t comment on it, but I’m not sure why I would need to. I kind of wondered how people were blogging and recovering. I didn’t have an actual thought in my head until 2 days ago.

I ended up staying in the hospital for 3 nights which was a good call. Better to be safe than have to haul your big ass face back. I don’t recall any pain- just discomfort and frustration. I think I was breathing through some kind of wild nose tube. Taking that out was probably one of the top 5 worst feelings of my whole life. My recollection is blurry at best but a few doctors seemingly crawled up my nose and cut something out of it for what felt like 5-10 minutes. YIKES.

So after that I was like oh good, the worst is totally over right? Right?! I thought I was a special case and hit my worst feeling on day 3. Looking at my giant ogre face in the mirror I knew it had to be true. Again I wasn’t feeling much pain (shout out to my IV) and I was starting to squirt some liquids down the hatch. Getting all the tape off of my arm from the IV might have been the most painful thing…aside from the nose incident.

Turns out I am not a special case and day 4 is indeed a good approximation for everyone in terms of being “the worst day”. This coincides with finally being at home. I had a pretty good night sleep being in my own bed and then came the dawn of gross. My jaw is wired shut, but not in the the traditional wire sense. It’s just really powerful rubber bands and other stuff I care not to look too closely at. Something I did not read about on any blog I came across was the high level of disgust you must deal with when taking your meds. Unfortunately It could be because I’m allergic to penicillin, but I would write to Harry Potter and tell him I have a disgusting potion that could make someone want to give up their whole family to not taste. Usually you can take gross liquid meds in the quick college frat shot method…however, I have to get it past my wires and my limited breathing so I am slurping down and tasting every flavor morsel this death potion has to offer. I started doing it in the mirror so that I have to look myself in the eye to say “this is what you’re complaining about you awful big headed brat” “You are sad because you have medicine, boo-hoo” “It must be so hard for you to know that you are healing” I still moan and groan because it just goes with the flavor.

So on this momentous day 4 I woke up uncomfortable and took some powerful medicine on an empty stomach. Rookie mistake- but nothing tasted good. NADA. So fast forward 30 minutes and you find out that puke can flow through your very shut mouth someway somehow. After that there were more low life moments but again, I don’t remember. I literally didn’t even watch a movie or TV. I just laid around in a sad haze.


Talk about the difference a few days make. Today I woke up “chipper” as my dad described it. Less puffy, maybe even slightly pleasant to be around. I showered, and then did a part 2 bath/ leg shave. I think that’s how I lost all the weight. I had smoothie requests, I took my little part time therapy dog Walter on a hot short walk, and haven’t taken pain med since this morning.


I liken this experience to the clarisonic brush because when I first used mine, I had 2 great days where I was like “I’m smooth, this was a great idea” and then a week or 2 of weird pimple face. My top concern is that now that I’m aware of my surroundings I won’t be so easily pleased with a glass of juice a day. I’m sitting here dying and drooling just to dig into a jar of peanut butter and lick the spoon clean…and then eat a pizza…I can barely get through a smoothie without looking like this…

baby w food

Just lucky to have my parents care for me as their now giant newborn. Who else would look up into your nose boogies and wipe crust off your lip and then tell you that you look so good!? Walter has probably eaten a few boogies by default. He’s so therapeutic.

Hoping for some major dietary changes at the 2 week mark.