Just like a clarisonic

This is not going to turn into a jaw surgery blog, but it’s long left the station of gallivanting about Europe, so obviously you know why you’re here. For the jokes!

I’m on the mend after having double jaw surgery. I noticed that in some more detailed blogs on the subject they knew the actual name of their surgery that doctors say and it’s like….ytho

If you’re coming here for actual medical advice- turn back! Ask your doctor. If I learned one major thing from stalking people’s jaw surgery blogs it’s that everyone heals VERY differently and I think it all boils down to exactly what was done during your surgery and by who. Or whom…

With a full 6 days (let’s call it a week?) under my belt I can share some of what happened to me- what worked for me- and what just does NOT.

The day of surgery I was pretty calm. It was a really early morning so I only had approximately 10 minutes available to freak out. Not even though because all the nurses were so nice. They loved my name, my shoes, the book I was reading; these people straight up like their job.

Waking up in a fog an unknown amount of hours later was odd and I honestly can’t comment on it, but I’m not sure why I would need to. I kind of wondered how people were blogging and recovering. I didn’t have an actual thought in my head until 2 days ago.

I ended up staying in the hospital for 3 nights which was a good call. Better to be safe than have to haul your big ass face back. I don’t recall any pain- just discomfort and frustration. I think I was breathing through some kind of wild nose tube. Taking that out was probably one of the top 5 worst feelings of my whole life. My recollection is blurry at best but a few doctors seemingly crawled up my nose and cut something out of it for what felt like 5-10 minutes. YIKES.

So after that I was like oh good, the worst is totally over right? Right?! I thought I was a special case and hit my worst feeling on day 3. Looking at my giant ogre face in the mirror I knew it had to be true. Again I wasn’t feeling much pain (shout out to my IV) and I was starting to squirt some liquids down the hatch. Getting all the tape off of my arm from the IV might have been the most painful thing…aside from the nose incident.

Turns out I am not a special case and day 4 is indeed a good approximation for everyone in terms of being “the worst day”. This coincides with finally being at home. I had a pretty good night sleep being in my own bed and then came the dawn of gross. My jaw is wired shut, but not in the the traditional wire sense. It’s just really powerful rubber bands and other stuff I care not to look too closely at. Something I did not read about on any blog I came across was the high level of disgust you must deal with when taking your meds. Unfortunately It could be because I’m allergic to penicillin, but I would write to Harry Potter and tell him I have a disgusting potion that could make someone want to give up their whole family to not taste. Usually you can take gross liquid meds in the quick college frat shot method…however, I have to get it past my wires and my limited breathing so I am slurping down and tasting every flavor morsel this death potion has to offer. I started doing it in the mirror so that I have to look myself in the eye to say “this is what you’re complaining about you awful big headed brat” “You are sad because you have medicine, boo-hoo” “It must be so hard for you to know that you are healing” I still moan and groan because it just goes with the flavor.

So on this momentous day 4 I woke up uncomfortable and took some powerful medicine on an empty stomach. Rookie mistake- but nothing tasted good. NADA. So fast forward 30 minutes and you find out that puke can flow through your very shut mouth someway somehow. After that there were more low life moments but again, I don’t remember. I literally didn’t even watch a movie or TV. I just laid around in a sad haze.

officespace

Talk about the difference a few days make. Today I woke up “chipper” as my dad described it. Less puffy, maybe even slightly pleasant to be around. I showered, and then did a part 2 bath/ leg shave. I think that’s how I lost all the weight. I had smoothie requests, I took my little part time therapy dog Walter on a hot short walk, and haven’t taken pain med since this morning.

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I liken this experience to the clarisonic brush because when I first used mine, I had 2 great days where I was like “I’m smooth, this was a great idea” and then a week or 2 of weird pimple face. My top concern is that now that I’m aware of my surroundings I won’t be so easily pleased with a glass of juice a day. I’m sitting here dying and drooling just to dig into a jar of peanut butter and lick the spoon clean…and then eat a pizza…I can barely get through a smoothie without looking like this…

baby w food

Just lucky to have my parents care for me as their now giant newborn. Who else would look up into your nose boogies and wipe crust off your lip and then tell you that you look so good!? Walter has probably eaten a few boogies by default. He’s so therapeutic.

Hoping for some major dietary changes at the 2 week mark.

xoxo

 

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2 comments

  1. I love reading this and feeling reassured that you did not lose your sense of sarcasm in the OR. You’re a champ. I’m 95% sure that a book deal will come out of this.

  2. Emma, I’m so sorry that you had to go through all of this. Your dad explained your surgery to us on Sunday. It sounds awful!! He did say you were feeling better and not in pain then, which we were all very glad to hear. It also sounds as though it is a long road to complete recovery, bu things have to get better as time goes on. Keep the faith🐦 Love, Aunt Marge

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