An avocado a day…is awesome!

I’m nearing the end of week two of my made for lifetime movie Made it through the wire: Food is great. So much change has happened in a matter of days, and all for the better.

I have my splint out (aka dirty lisping mouth guard) and I can take my rubber bands off for meal times; goodbye syringes! I even went out to eat in public with my parents and slowly spooned polenta and fried egg into my mouth while looking into a blush compact. People must have thought ‘that girl is really obsessed with herself.’

The soft food diet is not half bad and I’m really embracing this healthy as fuck lifestyle. I could instagram my meals each day but I’m too busy eating them. That was the old me. The chewing me.

I have lost some weight (refer to: no time for snacks), but to be fair I did gain weight in advance just to be safe, so it’s not a drastic change. Also I’ve been out in the world more than a handful of times at this point and I’m not like THAT skinny. There are some skinny bitches out there if you know what I’m saying #kale #suddenlypeopleareonahealthkick #notabadthing. I’m eating kale too. Totally. I’m making smoothies and drinking tea and going on walks etc. The key difference is that I’m not the girl drinking a green juice before spin class and a full day of teaching yoga. I’m blending my kale with cream and sitting on my couch watching 30 Rock only to pass the time before my magical peanut butter bedtime smoothie.

Speaking of aesthetics…I have been asked if I had this light casual jaw surgery for aesthetic reasons.

While I enjoy my left profile more than I used to, it’s a hard no. If you want to change your looks I would recommend getting yourself some regular plastic surgery and not doing this. Seriously. Today I walked out of my apartment building into the fresh sunshine and saw a cute boy and got all self conscious and looked down… and only then did I know that I was drooling because a long string of it was leading down to a puddle just above my right boob. Dating applications available at

But really it’s not so bad. My parents took such good care of me and I’m so lucky.  I highly recommend that you have retired parents if you are considering any major surgery. Otherwise good luck, it’s a tough world out there. They went back up to Wisconsin now that I’m “in the clear” and I have not been afraid to shove a child that’s getting a little to close to jostling me. Watch it ya filthy animal, I’ve been waiting 20 years to have straight teeth and your little spoiled rotten lifestyle of touching whoever you want will not ruin it or cause me strife! Good day! (Said in New York and British accents respectively). 

I think now comes the other hard part of the recovery. The first 2 weeks were the dark days. The queasy, dirty, booger, crust, puffy, lethargic, death medicine days. Moving forward it’s like sooo now that I feel fine, can I just promise to close my mouth really tightly but otherwise feel free to talk like a normal human being? Alas, I am not. One hint was when I went shopping the other day and I tried on three dresses, but I had to sit for a few seconds in between each of them. Literally chilling on that small triangle excuse of a bench in a closet regaining strength. I think that mainly has to do with the fact that I don’t like shopping, because I did attend a full on baby shower and survived with energy to spare for an afternoon walk. If you’re wondering how that went, I mostly contemplated if I could take a macaroon for the road and blend it. I ultimately decided it wouldn’t be the same and in a few weeks (maybe 5?!) I will buy myself all the macaroons I want.

The photos show approximately days 7 until about day 18/19.



So the things that jump out at me are that my eyebrows have indeed grown into fuzzy little caterpillars, and I wear the same 3 outfits on rotation. Regarding my face though I think I’m still totally me and the biggest change is in my profile. I used to never ever ever ever take a photo of my left side because I was missing a tooth and I had a weird crooked nose thing going on. Maybe you never noticed and that’s fine, but I did so that’s all that matters. My smile is still awkward and lopsided due to swelling more on one side but c’est la vie.

I will leave you with some yummy smoothie ideas because I will be bringing this into my future lifestyle for sure. The screenshot below I actually changed a bit and I did pitted dates and forgot about the cacao nibs…but I’m sure I’ll try the chocolate chip thing because anything with almond butter/ peanut butter is my friend.


This morning I made myself a little healthier kind of smoothie….

Raspberries, blueberries, Siggis berry and acai yogurt, splash of milk (I did whole but you can do any kind you want), some spinach leaves and a dash of maple syrup. #healthyasF!

I had that with an egg and avocado. See, soft diets can be cool.

I’ll confess the only drink of boost that I had was at the hospital (I was just showing off that I COULD drink, otherwise bleh). There’s literally 1 jillion other things that you can drink to get calories and vitamins besides that chocolate bullshit.

Also, cashew butter is really yummy and I like eating it with oatmeal and bananas. It’s kind of sweeter but not in a sweet sugary way, more in a coconut-y way. Which leads me to my other new best friend, Vita coco! Maybe it’s not the best thing for you or the jury is still out on it, but for the times when I don’t feel like taking my rubber bands on and off it’s been a decent “snack.”

If anyone wants to talk smoothies/ soft snacks just let me know because I can see I’m rambling now. Food was and always will be my favorite thing and having a jaw wired shut has not held me back.



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