Conflicted

I used to buy magazines as an indulgence. I didn’t have a ‘go to’, rather whatever I was drawn to at the moment.  Sometimes I needed really really trashy clearly false stories with ugly pictures of “celebs without makeup, barf!” Other times I opted  for one that I wouldn’t  be embarrassed to pull out on a train  while seeing an attractive AND smart man/boy- whatever that is.

Lately though nothing  has caught my eye, and when I flip through a few pages I always feel like I’ve read it before or I know what’s coming. Something along the lines of an article about loving yourself , followed by a 3-4 page spread on how to lose weight with detailed workout routines, and then the final page dedicated to a cheesecake recipe to just “indulge!” Does anyone else see how that could be confusing?

My best bet has been to read more books. My latest, and likely final book of the summer is called  “The Taliban Shuffle” It makes me feel smart and like an idiot at the same time because the topic is confusing even to experts- or so I’ve read…
Image result for the taliban shuffle

Anyways, if you’re looking for something that’s kind of funny but also educational this is a good pick.

And alas, summer is nearing an end. For all those people that openly judge me and other teachers for having summer “off” you can direct all the judge towards me. Usually we have to defend ourselves and talk about all the P.D we had to do, and prep for next year etc., but I really only did that for about 2 weeks. So yes, I have been able  to heal from my jaw surgery-It’s so luxurious, and you can do it too if you want. If I had any other job I would have taken time  off- you have to. It’s like a legal thing. And it’s impossible. Unless you work in a cave where you don’t have to speak and you hand things to people with a nod of your head. Then you could definitely continue working.

So maybe I’ve been making it all look easy breezy because I’m not that swollen and I do try to go out and do social things when I can. And in those situations I’m like “yeah, totally great, healing fine! Ate a sweet potato again! wooh” But deep down I’m mumbling this is some bullshit.

Thursday (of week 5 post surgery FYI)  was probably my biggest success in being a normal person. I got a haircut and since I have to at least semi- chat with my favorite ever hairstylist Jen, I took out my two front-ish rubber bands. Shortly after that I strolled home in what happened to be a 5 minute long misting of mist- not rain, but just enough to slightly ruin and frizz up  my haircut.

Naturally curly hair, frizzy thick hair problems- LMAO!! Yes!:

I had just enough time to try and undo the damage before meeting my friends for some noodles. So yes I can eat noodles and have been able to for about 2 weeks now- but doing so public is like a whole thing.  I  went  with mac and cheese even though there were way more tempting options. Something like pesto would have required me to full on brush my teeth in the public restroom. Not there yet. Le sigh. I brought my little compact mirror with me  and navigated the noodles in no problem.

No problem, but is that really an Ideal way to dine with friends? (It’s not, in case you were like well, it’s really not soooo bad……)

The comparative thing is bogus at this point. I’m  reading about Afghanistan and watching movies like Beasts of No Nation (yipes) to convince myself how beyond blessed and lucky that I am. But it sure feels  good to have a pity party every now and then.

Speaking of rape and child soldiers, I went to a comedy show after the noodles. Yes, three cool things in a row. Free plug for the show- It’s called BLT comedy- It’s free- It’s at Beer Bistro in the West loop  on Thursday evenings.

It’s a small show and I’d only gone once before where I was so close I was pretty much onstage, but no big deal. It’s not your typical pick on the audience show. They just do quick sets and you get to see like  4-5 different comedians. So this time my sister got there ahead of time to make sure we had a table and it just so happened to be up front again. No big deal right? Maybe it was the haircut, maybe it was the sweat dripping down my face from being under the spot light or some je ne sais quio, but I was not in the clear.

I got called out because I wasn’t really smiling or laughing at one point- things that are still challenging for me. By the way- wake up lower lip, please wake up!

The guy said something along the lines of “I just did a ring check, and you are looking at me just….not happy”

My table died laughing. He went on to say a few more remarks and then later in the act he mentioned that he had taught English in Spain and he caught my eye “You hate that we have that in common now, eh?”

I later had to apologize and say that while he was very funny I just had jaw surgery, to which he replied “Omg sorry, you just reminded me of like  an unhappy Kristin Wiig.”

Compliment accepted.

My final conflicting thoughts before some photo updates involve this whole “you look the same, cool!” sentiment.

Bitch, did I just get major reconstructive surgery to “look the same?” I guess I’ll have  to just give in and admit that I  don’t look like a different person– there was no Margot Robbie special going on- and I’ll  most likely just have to accept that the differences are only things I ever did- and ever will notice. Like when you have a pimple and people are like “oh I didn’t even notice” which for me is such a lie because I always notice pimples- I notice that I’m the only one still getting them.

Mind you it’s just week 6 and people say they notice changes in their face continue for about a year when they are fully fully healed.  As long as I don’t have to keep reaching into my mouth to pull my upper lip out for much longer, it’s all good.

These photos range from about week 3.5 or 4 to 5. Shout-out to #Walterpcomer for doing some extra therapy with me.

And for the photos below, the middle one is from haircut day: aka the 2nd day out of almost 6 weeks where I didn’t have my hair in a grease frizz bun or ponytail.

 

Just to compare….week 2.5 versus week 5

 

Again I can’t compare my current face with how it was before because I never ever took a head on photo like that- which I find very telling of my previous discomfort with my face. The other day I even caught myself breathing through my nose for an extended period of time despite the fact that I still only have 1 nostril at my disposal. Blessed!

xoxo

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