Inspo and regret

I’m retroactively upset that I never did a “this is my _____ year teaching” picture. I don’t even have actual memories of teaching my first year aside from the shirt that I wore on the first day. I know this for two reasons. Reason #1 is that I figured that the shirt brought me bad luck because I had a shitty first day. Reason #2 is because I wore it yesterday and then Obama came to my school so now the curse is broken. Peep the link below for the article about why he came.

I love you 

I was also scrolling through my Instagram just to remember what I’ve even accomplished in terms of having fun this summer, and then I scrolled further and I remembered that I started my 2016-17 school year with my jaw freshly opened after being shut for quite sometime. That was the year I applied an oldie but goodie called “sitting” which was just sitting in front of the room whenever possible- instead of standing-obviously. Everyone was fine. Then last year I had to get a ride/ use an SUV rental car for the first week or so of school and also found a strange bloody murder on top of my car once I did get it back (blood was all over the hood of the car and I just took it to the car wash and didn’t make eye contact w anybody which was probably really suspicious).

This year it’s like what weird setback will happen aside from my very strong gut instinct that my current rosters are a practical joke and I will show up on Tuesday and not have enough desks for everyone and actually have a different schedule where I teach PE for one period because that’s my latest aesthetic.

According to my horoscope: I’m wondering why I’m facing a perplexing dilemma (everything). It says “the world is not out to get you…this is a lesson you have to learn that you keep refusing to acknowledge…it involves a difficulty you don’t want to face. The solution is simple. Face it” RUDE AWAKENING. Also I highly trust this app. It’s just called daily horoscope and it’s pretty mystical and grammatically incorrect, which gives it this kind of authentic feel to me like someone is rushing to type it in real time for me and they really know what’s up in my life.

Back to school is a time flush with inspiration, energy, and over-doing it to the max. I like to gently remind myself that I’m not in competition with anyone. I compare myself a lot to other teachers and I’m always second place. It’s not a healthy process nor is it a good use of time, which I prefer to use watching quality shows such as Southern Charm.

I’ve never been this prepared, with this many marker bins, hundreds of PowerPoints, and the major decision to shift from shoulder bag to the backpack that I used in college. I’m graciously stepping out of the competition and will just be going with the flow. After all, it’s year 5 and maybe I’ll use all that head space to snap a pic.

xoxo

 

 

School year

I go by years, sure. But school years. 39 weeks that have felt like 390. I was trying to make space on my phone just now, deleting some old irrelevant photos and I got nostalgic. Nostalgia is usually reserved for students that had zero percent interest in me (aka hate) all year, and will see me next year and say “omggggg 3rd period in da house!” (That’s not how they talk but the idea is there).

I’m not doing a deep dive here, but some photos brought back the fresh sting of  a heart break. It mixed together with my catalytic converter being stolen so I honestly can’t tell if it’s a real emotion or exaggerated due to the very shiteous (not actual word) situation of being car free the first week back to school.  Bad timing dude.  Anyways, look at me thriving in my khakis and school spirit.

 

 

I was fortunate to have very amazing distracting opportunities arise that took me to New York for the first time in my life, and riot fest; also for the first time in my life.

 

I watched my nephew grow from a boring but cute caveman to a really overwhelmingly cute cherub.

 

I have more married friends than not now. Some of them turned 30. I turned 30. I actually paved the way, and I was ready for it after summer of Emma.

 

 

I actually recently likened some of my summer of Emma experiences to being an adult participant in “make a wish” because I just suddenly did all of these cool things that I hadn’t thought to do before and someone helped me do them. Thanks!

My heart recovered and I drank wine to help it along. I drank some wine just now because I have it and it’s good.

 

I got hooked on podcasts. I thought I would be against them during my commute but it’s just right for me. I think audio books are not for me. I think a book is something one should read full out, words going into the brain.

I also continued living all by myself. Really it’s been 1.5 years because I moved at an odd time, but I still can’t quite believe it. I would not mind hastily moving in with someone or having my rent suddenly drop because living alone is the bomb, but the rent is not the bomb. Speaking of money, I went to San Francisco which is/was a friendly reminder that it could be worse.

Tomorrow kicks off finals. Odd for sure since it’s a Friday. Then we have to drag ourselves back Monday and Tuesday. If I hadn’t stored up this golden nugget of a personal day, I would also have to drag my old ass back on Wednesday, but I’ll be like, it’s personal, I won’t be back. Until July 9th anyways, when I exchange freedom for money as the transaction usually goes.

 

Some of these memories are quite recent and perhaps you are bored of my content considering I’m no longer a world traveler. I’m a teacher that doesn’t even blog about teaching. But c’est moi okay,

xoxo

Bonne chance to me

I feel like I’m doing something wrong most of the time. I have a student this year that openly hated me, and that was awkward for a while. I came up with a project post AP Spanish test where I told the students to research another language and teach the class about it. My hater chose French and now he just comes up to me and says numbers in French 1-10 and asks me how I am –Comment allez-vous? Je vais bien! He’s even saying random things in French to people in the hall (and totally weirding them out obviously). He might still hate me, and I dare not ask for fear of ruining our French bond.

There’s always so much doubt and gloom for most of the school year. Getting observed and not asking the question your observer was hoping you’d ask. When that stress is lifted it’s really nice and sometimes even fun.

I did have and interesting opportunity on Friday to sub in a Freshman math class. What kind of math? The kind with letters and negative fractions. I’ve often lamented to myself how difficult it is to have 9-12 graders all in one classroom because of the varying abilities and prior knowledge coming to the table, but I promise I will never complain again if it stays that way. All 9th graders together felt like the worst 50 minutes of my day. At one point I said “Do you need attention? Because if you don’t I’m trying to concentrate on some work up here and you’re ruining it with your voice.” Anyways, I was your classic sub, not helpful at all.  One boy did dare ask me for help and I said, “young sir, this is a foreign language that I do not speak” and I was not saved by the bell and we had to sit there and both not know what do do for 20 more minutes.

As I look forward to my relaxing summer of not one, but hopefully two summer jobs, I just don’t feel right complaining. I think I’ve been taking it really easy for the last year when I had my whole summer of Emma that turned into year of Emma phase. This school year I took on exactly zero extra tasks. When they asked me at the end of last year if I saw myself in any leadership positions I said not really. LIKE WHAT A TERRIBLE ANSWER OMG. I would never advise anybody to say that. Luckily I wasn’t fired on the spot but I figured it was time to “step up.” I know that next year will be more challenging and busy balancing a trip abroad, a new role and probably new classes, but my resume looks sort of bogus. It doesn’t show all the blood sweat and tears that I’ve really been through, but I guess how can one really add that on? Professional responsibilities include: doing what I think is right and going home and taking care of myself.

Being single (as in not married and living alone) doesn’t seem hard at all, but it’s pricey.  Example; Comcast just called me and was asking me about shows that I watch with my family and how many devices we all use, and I was like NOTHING BUT I WOULD LIKE BRAVO FOR FREE. Then the connection was lost and he tried to call back twice but I was over it.

I set a reminder on my phone that said workout you little betch. I wrote this blog post instead and now I just need to buy food for next week before my big day of a one year old and a thirty year old birthday party.

Bonne chance to me indeed!

xoxo

Faith

We can’t avoid having faith. We have some degree of faith in ourselves…friends, truth, education. But it doesn’t take any courage to have those kinds of faith. But it takes courage to have love for people who are different from you…inferior to you. 

I’m paraphrasing the wisdom of Jimmy Carter and his appearance on Colbert. I’m not particularly religious, but I like the basic principles of religion such as trying to be a good person. As a person living in modern times, I feel that I can pick and choose the good bits versus the bad bits out of the bible. An easy example would be that I am glad that I won’t be punished with death by stones. Although oddly enough in 2018 that is an actual thing used to scare away armed killers (sorry Pennsylvania).

Returning to the positive, as this holy week/weekend comes to a close, it’s refreshing to see and hear someone give prayer and faith a good name, so thank you Jimmy.

To conclude my luxurious Spring break where I lived my life as usual and worked at the brewery, I just wanted to share some special moments that I had. I got to hang out with little Campbell. He is an ever growing nugget and will no longer be a nugget which is sad but true. I also am 1/4 into a book that I am enjoying.  Now I will probably have to stop and then re-read once summer hits, but c’est la vie.

I’ve been keeping up with my Duo lingo lessons of German every morning with my coffee and my dorky notebook where I write down as much vocabulary as I can. If anyone spoke to me in German would I have a clue what to say? Nein. Absolutely, nein. But according to the app I am 38% fluent, so I will keep going forward.

 

I’m also celebrating and congratulating myself for doing a grand total of about 5 hours of school related work this break. That’s not even a full day. That’s like 30 min per day max. Not a math teacher clearly, but you get what I’m saying. But also, It’s my break so I’m really proud of myself for minimal effort.

Little Walter just got dropped off for a sleepover. The anxiety of  the Easter festivities would be too much for him. His best self really shines when It’s just him by himself, no other animals and maybe 1-2 other humans. We are both having a spa like experience right now as he sniffs his surroundings, eats random scraps of garbage and glitter off of my floor and I conclude this blog while contemplating a nap.

 

xoxo

Hallo March

I bought a book of German for beginners maybe four or five years ago; I’d have to check the Amazon archives. For all of the time that I was in Spain I was certain that I would make a trip there, but It just never came to be. I came close I suppose, with a brief stay in Vienna, which I loved, but I’m still determined to make it to Deutschland. A masters degree and four years of teaching later I guess I found the energy to try again. Italian was a failed attempt for me to add another language to my resume. I really enjoyed taking the class and being a student, but I kept confusing it with Spanish.  I decided German was/ is totally different but not so different that I would want to cry like if I were to try to learn Japanese or Hungarian or…who knows what else.

So here I am with my morning coffee furiously writing notes off of a YouTube video, and I suddenly came out of the fog and thought, is this really the best use of my time when I’m not totally certain what I’m teaching in AP next week? (not totally = not at all). 

As you may or may not know, I love a good quote, and a good quote can sometimes perfectly encapsulate a whole essay of feelings and spare everyone the trouble. However quotes about wasting time leads you through a dark Pinterest abyss about failed relationships and being your own queen and goddess and other such things that I’m really not into.

I realized that trying to learn another language probably isn’t really a waste of time. I might not make it to the finish line, but I’ve also watched 4 episodes of Girlfriends Guide to Divorce instead of doing (laundry, grading, cooking, cleaning, calling family and friends etc.). And those are like almost hour long episodes, so yikes. Also not relateable at all.

I guess I just got this guilty feeling because some of my colleagues are real over achievers, coaching, getting their masters degree, ESL endorsement, reading endorsement, have entire families, and more. My share out at our meeting was that I got my nails done.

Just to be clear though I really earn my money every day mostly during 2nd 3rd and 8th period. It mentally and physically wipes me out, and bless the people that do more. For me though, it’s a no. What more can I do after arguing with a kid that Fidel Castro and Tupac would not have been and never will be friends?

I suppose that having my “me time” and “wasting time” and “living my best life” and doing all of those other millennial style things keep me sane. It’s hard not to feel guilty about it, but also I made a specific life choice/ choices to get me to this point, so there. For now Campbell is my baby and I get to squeeze that crazy little nugget tonight. He has more teeth now, so I just have to try to not get in the biting zone which could prove to be quite difficult given his cute factor. I think tia loca is just who I am right now, or according to google translate verrückte Tante. Tschüss!