Bonne chance to me

I feel like I’m doing something wrong most of the time. I have a student this year that openly hated me, and that was awkward for a while. I came up with a project post AP Spanish test where I told the students to research another language and teach the class about it. My hater chose French and now he just comes up to me and says numbers in French 1-10 and asks me how I am –Comment allez-vous? Je vais bien! He’s even saying random things in French to people in the hall (and totally weirding them out obviously). He might still hate me, and I dare not ask for fear of ruining our French bond.

There’s always so much doubt and gloom for most of the school year. Getting observed and not asking the question your observer was hoping you’d ask. When that stress is lifted it’s really nice and sometimes even fun.


I did have and interesting opportunity on Friday to sub in a Freshman math class. What kind of math? The kind with letters and negative fractions. I’ve often lamented to myself how difficult it is to have 9-12 graders all in one classroom because of the varying abilities and prior knowledge coming to the table, but I promise I will never complain again if it stays that way. All 9th graders together felt like the worst 50 minutes of my day. At one point I said “Do you need attention? Because if you don’t I’m trying to concentrate on some work up here and you’re ruining it with your voice.” Anyways, I was your classic sub, not helpful at all.  One boy did dare ask me for help and I said, “young sir, this is a foreign language that I do not speak” and I was not saved by the bell and we had to sit there and both not know what do do for 20 more minutes.

As I look forward to my relaxing summer of not one, but hopefully two summer jobs, I just don’t feel right complaining. I think I’ve been taking it really easy for the last year when I had my whole summer of Emma that turned into year of Emma phase. This school year I took on exactly zero extra tasks. When they asked me at the end of last year if I saw myself in any leadership positions I said not really. LIKE WHAT A TERRIBLE ANSWER OMG. I would never advise anybody to say that. Luckily I wasn’t fired on the spot but I figured it was time to “step up.” I know that next year will be more challenging and busy balancing a trip abroad, a new role and probably new classes, but my resume looks sort of bogus. It doesn’t show all the blood sweat and tears that I’ve really been through, but I guess how can one really add that on? Professional responsibilities include: doing what I think is right and going home and taking care of myself.

Being single (as in not married and living alone) doesn’t seem hard at all, but it’s pricey.  Example; Comcast just called me and was asking me about shows that I watch with my family and how many devices we all use, and I was like NOTHING BUT I WOULD LIKE BRAVO FOR FREE. Then the connection was lost and he tried to call back twice but I was over it.

not soon enough

I set a reminder on my phone that said workout you little betch. I wrote this blog post instead and now I just need to buy food for next week before my big day of a one year old and a thirty year old birthday party.

Bonne chance to me indeed!



The final countdown (probably)

Last time I checked in I was still uncovering clues as to what “June” meant to my orthodontist. He said the beginning of June. But then he said I will “graduate with my students” so I was like…damn, when do they graduate? But then he said maybe even by the end of this month. This month is May BTW.  I’m talking about getting my braces off BTW.

Let’s just say, nobody knows how many days that I’m counting, but I am counting down.

teacher things

I am also counting down to the end of the school year, which us CPS teachers can now accurately do. Somebody came around and thought it would be a good Idea to go until the bitter end, and I think we can all agree that the kids need it and the teachers(*) would have needed a little more warning and money to prepare for the loss of those final paychecks (*me). More proof we’re all in it for the ca$h!

As you can see, I can’t even keep a cactus alive until June, so there’s a reason we get “summer off”

teacher life

During those joyous months of debt accumulating anxiety, I tried applying to a couple of summer jobs. I didn’t come across much, mainly because I have no other skills aside from teaching Spanish, inventing smoothie recipes and buying things on amazon prime. I was also being a little snot and refused to consider anything that had to do with Spanish, children, students, school, children, babysitting, uhg. #nogracias.

Well a miracle happened and a brewery decided to hire me. One excerpt from our phone interview: “Can you name some breweries in Chicago?”

“Lagunitas.” “Yep, any others”

“Two Brothers is something I see at the store.” “Well, no. That’s in _______” (I forgot, but it’s in Illinois).

“Well hey pretty close, same state…, well so yeah then I’m not going to embarrass myself any further”

Aside from that, I’m not a moron and I’m fun.  I was so excited when I got my gear and employee handbook that I ran home in the rain and laid everything on top of myself and took this flattering photo for you all to enjoy. And now I guess you know where I work.

on tour

Back to my teeth/jaw update. I’m pretty sure I will be living out my days with a numb lower lip and chin. Could be worse. That’s the risk you take. It’s not like I was a professional food taster. Probably could have been. Now we’ll never know.

week 8 month 8

I had captioned the photo on the left something along the lines of “can’t wait to compare week 8 to month 8!” Well here ya go self!

Mouth before surgery/braces. Mouth at month 8 (closer to 9) post op. I think I can see the differences in my lips and chin. Slight of course… but also my nose.


And finally, it’s hard to catch a good selfie these days, so that’s just scraggly me at the end of a relaxing day of teaching. The one one the left is the day that I got my braces on a year and a half ago. I think I look a lot less tooth-y if you catch my drift. Obviously my surgeon went ahead and tucked my upper jaw back into my face more. That’s the technical way of explaining it.

In other news, I deleted my Instagram off of my phone for a little social media cleanse. It’s only been a week now and I think I’ve lost weight and gained self esteem. I was getting so obsessed with looking at all of the healthy meals people were making and all of the workouts that they were doing that I was just bumming myself out and making myself worse. I was literally COUNTING calories. Waste. Of. Time. To.The.Max. I’ve also had snap chat off of my phone since I got my iPhone which was months ago. Haven’t missed it.

But don’t worry folks, I’m not better than you. I’ve left my house just a handful of times today and I just wrote this blog so that there was enough space in between me eating my lunch, taking a nap, and having dinner. The only reason that I may be slightly better is because this morning I moved my oven and fridge and sucked up all of the mysteries that were lurking underneath them. If you call it a black jelly bean, it’s a black jelly bean.  love yourself


Turn to Lorca

To  say that I bottle up my emotions is equivalent to saying that Trump may have a light dusting of cheeto on his face. It all comes to the surface in one random moment and then I’m suddenly crying because my $30 face wash didn’t work miracles overnight and I still have the blackheads that I’ve had since I was 12 years old.

I distinctly remember that moment and age because someone asked me what I had on my nose. A pore-less classmate. I didn’t know. Nobody really knew yet- fast forward 16 years and most people have now had them and gotten rid of them. Not moi!

I also recently cried about not being able to move and having braces. As if those were new revelations. I didn’t actually cry about the election, but I did cry when I read some of my students tweeting about it. (Shout out English dept). I’ll paraphrase…

“I’m worried that my mom will be deported”   ….    “Will my family be separated”     …  “I was angry, and then I  was scared. Scared is worse.” 

But after all this time of knowing myself, the tears will likely come on a day  that I am running late to work and realize that I have to get gas.

Wednesday was a really weird day at school (to say the least) and I have never heard so much silence in my classrooms- even when I beg for it. So I turned off the lights put on “depresso music” which then for everyone’s sake I decided to change to golden oldies. By 8th period the depresso had dissipated and we went with banda/ Justin Bieber (for all of 2 minutes).

The feeling of what is to come turns me into a ball of numb more than anything. I watched a lot of episodes of Parks and Rec and that was awesome because I cracked up and felt better. Ron Swanson is hilarious.

The usual morning ritual of  reading the news isn’t really appealing right now, so I put on a black turtleneck and thought of my favorite poet. The person with the most understanding and ability  to encapsulate sadness and beauty that I know of; Federico Garcia Lorca. Thank you Iowa Spanish department. Thank you Spain.

〽️ Federico García Lorca                                                                                                                                                                                 Más:

Federico Garcia Lorca:

The most terrible of all feelings is the feeling of one´s hope having died. Federico Garcia Lorca:

And Pablo Neruda…

federico garcia lorca frases - Google Search:

I also had a  nice juicy free morning that I used to go to a consult about a dental implant. This guy (periodontist?) was like an instagram vision of hot dude hipster professionals. Nice hair, bearded to perfection, kind of broken nose, probably from wrestling a bear in the woods. I was like WTF?! I thought you were Christine, a nice, ideally elderly woman that I would have had no issue with telling me that I have a surprise pocket of 3 wisdom teeth (yes, I’ve had them  pulled before), and looking at me in my most vulnerable state in harsh horrific lighting.

Image result for hot hipster beard This person is not allowed to work in the medical field.

Anyways, I have to wait to get  my braces off to get the implant done, and one of the reasons is that I can’t currently open my mouth wide enough to fit the drill inside. #IDIED #BRIGHTRED.


But look, from  a distance we would make  a great pair.  #lookingoffintothedistance #inthesamedirection

Still not winning with the before and after photos, since I feel like my hair and overall look is way better “before” but clearly my teeth are like WAY better after. And one final snaggle just to get you through the tough times…


I’ll post more pics as soon as I get a makeover…so probably 2017.

Ps- This is spot on!




An avocado a day…is awesome!

I’m nearing the end of week two of my made for lifetime movie Made it through the wire: Food is great. So much change has happened in a matter of days, and all for the better.

I have my splint out (aka dirty lisping mouth guard) and I can take my rubber bands off for meal times; goodbye syringes! I even went out to eat in public with my parents and slowly spooned polenta and fried egg into my mouth while looking into a blush compact. People must have thought ‘that girl is really obsessed with herself.’

The soft food diet is not half bad and I’m really embracing this healthy as fuck lifestyle. I could instagram my meals each day but I’m too busy eating them. That was the old me. The chewing me.

I have lost some weight (refer to: no time for snacks), but to be fair I did gain weight in advance just to be safe, so it’s not a drastic change. Also I’ve been out in the world more than a handful of times at this point and I’m not like THAT skinny. There are some skinny bitches out there if you know what I’m saying #kale #suddenlypeopleareonahealthkick #notabadthing. I’m eating kale too. Totally. I’m making smoothies and drinking tea and going on walks etc. The key difference is that I’m not the girl drinking a green juice before spin class and a full day of teaching yoga. I’m blending my kale with cream and sitting on my couch watching 30 Rock only to pass the time before my magical peanut butter bedtime smoothie.

Speaking of aesthetics…I have been asked if I had this light casual jaw surgery for aesthetic reasons.

While I enjoy my left profile more than I used to, it’s a hard no. If you want to change your looks I would recommend getting yourself some regular plastic surgery and not doing this. Seriously. Today I walked out of my apartment building into the fresh sunshine and saw a cute boy and got all self conscious and looked down… and only then did I know that I was drooling because a long string of it was leading down to a puddle just above my right boob. Dating applications available at youcanspoonfeedme.com/bracesfor6-9moremonths.livewmyparents

But really it’s not so bad. My parents took such good care of me and I’m so lucky.  I highly recommend that you have retired parents if you are considering any major surgery. Otherwise good luck, it’s a tough world out there. They went back up to Wisconsin now that I’m “in the clear” and I have not been afraid to shove a child that’s getting a little to close to jostling me. Watch it ya filthy animal, I’ve been waiting 20 years to have straight teeth and your little spoiled rotten lifestyle of touching whoever you want will not ruin it or cause me strife! Good day! (Said in New York and British accents respectively). 

I think now comes the other hard part of the recovery. The first 2 weeks were the dark days. The queasy, dirty, booger, crust, puffy, lethargic, death medicine days. Moving forward it’s like sooo now that I feel fine, can I just promise to close my mouth really tightly but otherwise feel free to talk like a normal human being? Alas, I am not. One hint was when I went shopping the other day and I tried on three dresses, but I had to sit for a few seconds in between each of them. Literally chilling on that small triangle excuse of a bench in a closet regaining strength. I think that mainly has to do with the fact that I don’t like shopping, because I did attend a full on baby shower and survived with energy to spare for an afternoon walk. If you’re wondering how that went, I mostly contemplated if I could take a macaroon for the road and blend it. I ultimately decided it wouldn’t be the same and in a few weeks (maybe 5?!) I will buy myself all the macaroons I want.

The photos show approximately days 7 until about day 18/19.



So the things that jump out at me are that my eyebrows have indeed grown into fuzzy little caterpillars, and I wear the same 3 outfits on rotation. Regarding my face though I think I’m still totally me and the biggest change is in my profile. I used to never ever ever ever take a photo of my left side because I was missing a tooth and I had a weird crooked nose thing going on. Maybe you never noticed and that’s fine, but I did so that’s all that matters. My smile is still awkward and lopsided due to swelling more on one side but c’est la vie.

I will leave you with some yummy smoothie ideas because I will be bringing this into my future lifestyle for sure. The screenshot below I actually changed a bit and I did pitted dates and forgot about the cacao nibs…but I’m sure I’ll try the chocolate chip thing because anything with almond butter/ peanut butter is my friend.


This morning I made myself a little healthier kind of smoothie….

Raspberries, blueberries, Siggis berry and acai yogurt, splash of milk (I did whole but you can do any kind you want), some spinach leaves and a dash of maple syrup. #healthyasF!

I had that with an egg and avocado. See, soft diets can be cool.

I’ll confess the only drink of boost that I had was at the hospital (I was just showing off that I COULD drink, otherwise bleh). There’s literally 1 jillion other things that you can drink to get calories and vitamins besides that chocolate bullshit.

Also, cashew butter is really yummy and I like eating it with oatmeal and bananas. It’s kind of sweeter but not in a sweet sugary way, more in a coconut-y way. Which leads me to my other new best friend, Vita coco! Maybe it’s not the best thing for you or the jury is still out on it, but for the times when I don’t feel like taking my rubber bands on and off it’s been a decent “snack.”

If anyone wants to talk smoothies/ soft snacks just let me know because I can see I’m rambling now. Food was and always will be my favorite thing and having a jaw wired shut has not held me back.


Gifted and special

Day 11 post op! Made it through the wire! Cue the Kanye Through the wire

Even though the main event of today was me watching Inside Out, crying and then feeling sore, it was a great day. I’m on the advanced track to recovery.

I had an appointment with my orthodontist because he wanted to make sure I didn’t jostle anything too much with my puke last week. He called my face “pudgy” but said I was healing very nicely- and some people are much puffier. Gifted.

He also leaned me back in the chair, a snip here and a snip there, and then my jaw flew open. Not really but it felt like it was going to fall back into my neck and then stay there forever. Then he smushed my face, which is mainly numb so whatever, and showed me how to put my rubber bands in to keep the ole jaw in place until further notice. The green light on soft foods was all I cared about.

Just the other day I cried because my soup was too thick. Here everyone was thinking of me living the dream and having milk shakes, but no! It’s not a milkshake if it’s just sweet watery milk.

“Boost for breakfast, Ensure for dessert” -Kanye. It’s so weird that I can totally relate to him now.

Anyways, it’s my big chance to actually slurp things back  (aka delicately press inside) like mashed potatoes and yogurt. I had to do a little magic bullet action to my mac and cheese as well because my Annie’s bee hive shapes weren’t gliding in so easily. Thick creamy yogurt with a baby spoon was a huge step. A moon landing. And I watched myself in the mirror the whole time, freaking out and surely grossing out anyone watching. (Just my parents).

It was my big chance to talk as well. Rubber bands = silence. No bands = chat and move around lips and mouth in weird formations so that they wake up. It is not as fun as it sounds-yet.  Here is a little visual journey of some of my progress. The first picture where I clearly look bruised and beaten was day 5…my first “normal” feeling day. The final pictures are from today (blue dress).

Tuesday will mark another very exciting event for me- Dr. Reid potentially (ideally) pulling a nose sized booger out of my left nostril so that I can breathe on both sides. The splint will also come out so that talking will involve less lisping. Even though I’m clearly gifted and advanced and doing well thanks to all of my healthy eating choices (avocado, banana, honey, milk), it’s still recommended that I take the first week of school off since my job requires quite a bit of talking and energy. Teachers- lazy bums!